oath of enlistment joke

Unless I am sure I can get away with it.

I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten me. So help me Neptune. After completion of my snicker “Basic Training,” I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will face the challenges ahead of me with courage; I will be stalwart in the event that the rubber of my vessel springs a leak, I will remain resolute when someone asks me if I joined the Guard because I am afraid of guns, and I will steel myself against the Port Authority when they attempt to salvage my ship for scrap metal.

I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. America needs four more years of President Barack Obama. U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT.

I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own.

I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. I swear to sit behind a desk. I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment. I swear to dispatch my duties in a manner befitting of the Coast Guard, thus never leaving a drunken boatful of rich college students unsaved nor leaving a Navy wife unsatified.

I swear to sit behind a desk. I, Puddle Nazi, swear to sign away four years of my like to the United States Coast Guard because I like boats, but I don't like being more than twenty miles from a bar. After completion of my sexual…er…I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine.

A commissioned officer of any service will administer the Oath of Enlistment in DD Form 4 orally, in English, to each application. Oh and Drifter, I know my place so if you would please post these where the real Marines can see them (open squad bay) I would appreciate it, thanks. In these next four years, we need proven leadership, proven judgment and proven values. The person who takes the oath of office in the next four months will shape not just the next four years, but the next forty years of our nation. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.

If these won't keep you in the military, nothing will.

Like the Oath of Office, the Oath of Enlistment is required by federal law.But it also serves as a verbal promise that reminds us of our commitment to our country, our service, and our brothers in arms. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can’t figure out how to use blousing straps.

I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. Just point the Marine in the direction of the enemy, let him go, and step back. The oath of enlistment is administered by any commissioned officer to any person enlisting or re-enlisting for a term of service into any branch of the military. I, Puddle Nazi, swear to sign away four years of my life to the United States Coast Guard because I like boats but don't like to be outside of twenty miles of a bar... As a prior-service Coastie, I'll second that. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I will be aware that, while the Marines on leave are easily fooled out of their money, they are likely much stronger and faster than me, and thrus I will refrain from swindling them at Poker. Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________ I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services.

I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." So help me Corps.___________________________________________ Thumb Print Its no wonder the Air Force is the but of so many jokes. I will face the challenges ahead of me with courage; I will be stalwart in the event that the rubber of my vessel springs a leak, I will remain resolute when someone asks me if I joined the Guard because I am afraid of guns, and I will steel myself against the Port Authority when they attempt to salvage my ship for scrap metal. You must log in or register to reply here. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.

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